Off topic/In all honesty...

Mikaela · Post by **Mikaela** » Wed Jan 11, 2006 2:43 pm

This is very personal but ya'll are my friends and I really dont have anyone else that has been through this.

As some of you know, I have severe back problems. As a result, I was on Hydrocodone for 2 yrs. 50 miligrams a day.

Well, I started doing research on my meds and didnt like what I found. They can cause liver problems, addictions, alot of very bad stuff.

Little did I know, Dr. never said a word, ALL PEOPLE become physically addicted after about 3 months and will get very sick if they stop. Sadly, some people get mentally addicted (thank god I didnt, I didnt know any better) and the drug is really hard to come off of.

Anyway: to make a long story short, after research I decided I would rather live in pain than take the risks associated with the medicine.

Well, let me tell you, I HAVE NEVER been so sick in my whole life. Thats where I have been. I just didnt want to whine and cry about it here but Im sick of suffering alone when I have friends right here that may have gone through this.

I am very mad at my Drs. Very hurt they would give me something that YES made my life better but not to inform me of the consequences. I wouldnt have choosen this had I known. I would have lived with Motrin and a heating pad.

Ya'll have NO IDEA how sick I have been. Thank God I have no cravings for the medicine. I have the urge to take it because then I wouldnt be sick but that would be defeating the purpose. It has to detox from my system so to take any to feel better would just be putting the process off.

I am really putting myself out there by telling this. I dont even know why I am ashamed. It isnt like its a street drug and even if it were and I was battling that, I'd like to know ya'll would be there for me. But it isnt. It is an RX medicine for pain, also known as Vicoden.

But, thats where I have been. Just too sick to be here. In the first week I couldnt not even make it from my bed to the bathroom. I'd just lay in the floor. You have no idea, or maybe you do. I wont go into the gorry details but if you goggle hydrocodone withdrawal you'll see its pretty nasty.

Anyone been through this? How long before it is better? I didnt tell my Drs I quit and dont plan to, they get an attitude for some reason.

I post this for two reasons... support and to educate any of my friends that may be in my boat and not even know it. Im mad at myself too. Im not a stupid chick. Why didnt I ask more questions? We, in American see Drs. as close to God and you just dont question them.

Not anymore, I hired my Dr. She will answer to me from now on.

Mazziemom · Post by **Mazziemom** » Wed Jan 11, 2006 2:48 pm

My hubby had to go through it with both that and morphine... the morphine was much much worse. He was on it for a shoulder surgery for six months (while they tried to fix it without a second surgry) and the day he stopped taking it he ended up on the bed shivering and throwing up.

Glad to be able to tell ya that after 3 days he was better, with either one. Not great, but much much better.

Athena

Mikaela · Post by **Mikaela** » Wed Jan 11, 2006 2:54 pm

Im in day 6 hun and can just now do a little something.

It is GOD AWFUL. Maybe I was at a higher dose or for longer?

All I know is this is pure hell. I can see why some have a hard time getting off of it.

I am SO thankful I decided to look into it. Imagine if I took it longer?

So, he was good is 3 days? I am happy for him, yet it pisses me off hehe.

You know how nasty it is... it makes you feel like a strung out street junkie. :oops:

So after three days no bathroom, throwing up or cold chills? How long before he was 'himself' again?

I have NO ENERGY... it is literally taxing for me to putter around the house.

Will you ask him how much he took per day? Please Ma'am.

Neokireina · Post by **Neokireina** » Wed Jan 11, 2006 5:27 pm

Cant you sorta wean off it or you just stop cold turkey and thats the way it is?
Anti depressants are addictive like that too and you should never stop cold turkey or it makes you sick. But I'm bad with that sorta stuff, I never took them regularly anyways so I didnt get sick, but I know others who did.
Hope you feel better soon, we miss you around here.

Also have you looked into alternative medicine like acupuncture and so on..
/shrug worth at least a look.

jen5239 · Post by **jen5239** » Wed Jan 11, 2006 5:34 pm

I've been wondering where you've been Mikaela. I just chalked it up to you being with your hubby on his new job. I hope you are feeling better and back to yourself again! We do miss you! Please take care of yourself and be strong.

Hugs,
Jen

Mazziemom · Post by **Mazziemom** » Wed Jan 11, 2006 7:40 pm

I know the morphine dose off hand, just because it blew my mind...

120 mg of Morphine a day. And... my hubby is a little guy. 150lbs!

I'd have to ask about the other, but I have to tell ya, it was easier than the morphine LOL.

I know he felt crappy (not himself) for a couple weeks, but 3 days until he was back to human instead of a shivering lump of vomit.

He swears he'll never take it again, even if he tears a limb off. I don't blame him... he was so... not himself while on it. Just kind of vague and out of it.

It does go away, and yes, it is very physically addictive. Did they tell you that you can get ringing in your ears for life? That spooked hubby BAD when they finally told him that.

And the tolerance you build... ewwww. My grandfather was on pain pills for a cut nerve bundle in his leg. Before he passed away he was taking 10-15 dilated (sp?) a day (thats medical heroin) and normal on them. So not a good way to live!

Athena

Mikaela · Post by **Mikaela** » Thu Jan 12, 2006 4:54 am

Why was I so ashamed of this? Why did I go through it without reaching out to ya'll. Alot of stigma attached to 'drugs' I guess, even if the Dr gives them.

Tolerance OMG. I went to an addiction site to be thankful for just being a shivering lump of crying vomit and they were sooooo mean to me, but thats beside the point. They were with the attitude "Get out of here... how dare you come here and pretend to have the problems we do. You controlled your use at the RX'ed amount so your dont belong here!". I only asked how long I would be sick but the site admin came to tell me it was because I controlled my use where most there take upwards of 20-30 pills a day so they thought I was flaunting my control. WTF? I reached out to those asses and got kicked in the face for it.

Mazzie can tell you... when going through this you cry at the drop of a hat... because your kid hugged you, because he didnt, because your 5 minutes late or 5 mintutes early.

Sleep, whats that? Might have had 10 hrs sleep in a week.

It is true, every day is better than the next. I perked on the tapering thing. But I wouldnt know how to start. I suppose since I am taking none now, I could break one in half and wait... on not being sick. If I am still sick, take the other half. Maybe one pill a day will get my through the withdrawals.

Im so tired of crying over commercials, crying right now for absolutely no reason. As I analyse all this crying (NEVER been one to cry unless Im mad) I wonder if maybe those pills numbed some issues I havent resloved. Hard part is, I dont know what those issues would be.

Sick of my baby saying "Why you cryin' Kaela". I smile through my tears and say because I love you so much it over-whelms me sometimes and pull him up for some good loving. He falls for it, bless his heart... childhood innocense. I wish I would have had the opportunity to experience that.

Post by **kyria** » Thu Jan 12, 2006 5:58 am

I was wacked onto anti depressants when I was younger, they just made me totally numb, a zombie and my dad helped me off them , supported me and had me read a book called relief without drugs, forget the author, sorry.

Later in life and with major issues ontop of me, that I could not handle at the time, the doctors prescribed Xanax, I took a few here and there but never got hooked to them, thank goodness. Probably nothing like the drugs you are having issues with, but I understand its got to be soooo hard for you right now.

Praying very hard for you Girl. Don't forget to trust in our Lord through this, be still with him and gain strength.

Mikaela · Post by **Mikaela** » Thu Jan 12, 2006 11:16 am

I dont mean to sound however this might but how does this happen to someone like me? Not that I am better than anyone else but Im a regular Ma, regular person.

How many other normal moms are taking this and are as stupid to the effects as I was?

IF! any of your Drs. RX ya'll anything, do the research. I dont want my agony to be in vain. Thats the only reason I brought this to to board. As embarrassing as it is.

Im not stupid. Society teaches us that your a good girl if you do what your Dr says. I want be going out like that in the future.

Mazziemom · Post by **Mazziemom** » Thu Jan 12, 2006 1:45 pm

Its hard hon, very hard. Our doc's tell us "take this and it will get better" which we try to do because we are taught to listen.

I have chronic kidney problems and the docs tried to keep me on pain meds for them.. and got mad when I fought them. I found another doc. Now I only take pain meds if I have to (haven't had to in almost a year! whoo hoo) and I use homeopathic remedies to keep things in control most of the time.

My kids have learned from me, and their doc grins when she tells them to do something and they say "WHY?". Thats right... ask why. Always know why... its your body, you gotta live with it.

You going through this and speaking out could help prevent someone else from heading down the same path. We live in a quick fix society and docs are just too prone to giving out dangerous drugs without giving out good info too. If people know theres a danger they will be better prepared to protect themselves.

Athena

Mikaela · Post by **Mikaela** » Fri Jan 13, 2006 9:07 am

Im on the upside of it now, I think?

Im just really tired and cant shake the chills.

My Dr will get her **** handed to her on the 23rd. Believe that.

That post was yesterday, a new day. Everyday truly does get better. Today, nothing really. EXCEPT a massive headache which is totally understandable. I think it is because there is SO MUCH ace. (dont know how to spell it hehe) in those pills that now I am having 'rebound headaches'.

So, I am now taking alot of ace. to keep those at bay. I think I have made it through!

Thank GOD in heaven I didnt get hooked on this trash. You know, it is nothing more than Heroin in pill form, right? Well, I didnt. Too smart to be SO stupid. :cry:

julie · Post by **julie** » Wed Jan 18, 2006 4:08 pm

how are you now you sound a bit chirpier i hope everything is going ok for you hows the kids? you havent droped the ex wife on her **** yet have you?

Mikaela · Post by **Mikaela** » Wed Jan 18, 2006 5:07 pm

I am doing better. I am able to get around the house.

Now, I am dealing with flu-like symtoms. I pray every night that tomorrow will be better and it is, somewhat but I see why people relapse.

The pills are sitting right there. If I ate one I would feel like a champ in 30 minutes.

I would also be perpetuating an addiction so I suffer. I came clean to my 17 yr old, I want him to learn vicariously through my mistakes.

julie · Post by **julie** » Thu Jan 19, 2006 3:40 am

thats probably the best thing for your 17 yr old to know about so he knows what drugs do to people and doesnt go near them.i seen what street drugs did to a few people and it wasnt pretty sure makes me not want to touch drugs i do however have a codene addiction from an injury i suffered at work so i will be following your lead and working on that.

Mikaela · Post by **Mikaela** » Thu Jan 19, 2006 4:14 am

I will hold your hand the whole way hun, it is hell on earth but WELL WORTH it.

Please, let me know when YOU are ready. It is your recovery and your pace. I choose one day never to take another, that worked for me.

Doesnt work fro most, in fact, Cold Tukey usually leads to relapse.

*hugs Julie*

julie · Post by **julie** » Thu Jan 19, 2006 3:51 pm

my problem is i work 12 hour shifts 6 days a week so i have cut right down to 2 tablets a day but i get the shakes and a little cranky so i have to be careful at work that i dont go off and next week i will try to cut down to 1 tablet a day.hopefully that will work.

Mazziemom · Post by **Mazziemom** » Thu Jan 19, 2006 4:11 pm

Argh, all this discussion.. and I got put on pain meds today

I pulled something in my back, pinched something in my spine, and spent the last 24 hours screaming if I moved wrong. I get to see an ortho on Tuesday to see whats really wrong, but for now I get muscle relaxers and pain meds... so I can make it alive.

Stupid back

Athena

Mikaela · Post by **Mikaela** » Thu Jan 19, 2006 4:33 pm

Enjoy for a bit then no no hehe.

I am so grateful Im having no cravings. That would be rough.

What they got ya on?

Mazziemom · Post by **Mazziemom** » Thu Jan 19, 2006 7:10 pm

Nothing huge, but it knocked me out cold for a couple hours ... surprised me because I usually take much stronger stuff for my kidneys? I guess I needed to sleep though, hardly slept last night from the pain.

Just vicodin and flexaril... plus some other pills for other problems. I hate going to the dr, they always seem to find so much wrong with me every time. My poor body is just not the young virile thing it was once

.

Athena

Mikaela · Post by **Mikaela** » Fri Jan 20, 2006 4:55 am

Yummy, youre feeling reeeal good bout right hehe

I hear ya Julie, I was blessed to be able to take time off. You CANT do it otherwise, the symptoms are too much and too obvious.

Im in my second week and just now am I out of the bathroom. Constantly. :oops:

For more than a week I couldnt make it too the mailbox. And Im no pus, men run from me and Im as big as a minute. Just mean as hell.

Now, this week it is the flu like symptoms and its suppose to be over forever.

I will resume taking my meds when I need them but not like they are prescribed. Thats just too much, or maybe I wont. I dont know yet.

What I do know is the kids Mom finally picked them up one weekend but brought them back the same day and when I realized it was the kids, I popped two of my pills.

Then after getting them in the house and settled in I thought to myslef:
Why did I implusively do that? And I couldnt answer except for one thing... the energy. It hit me like a brick that I didnt always take me meds for the right reason and I stopped that day.

Whats scary is, never thought about it before... dont even know if I ever did that before. But, I did it that day and it was a BIG wake-up call.

julie · Post by **julie** » Fri Jan 20, 2006 6:53 am

what im finding hard is i have just finished work @1230 am and i have to be back at work 1100am if i dont take a tablet i cant sleep and i finish at 1230 am sun morning so i have to get out of doing that maybe if i dont take it tonight i will be able to sleep tmorro night so i wont take anything tonight.

Mikaela · Post by **Mikaela** » Fri Jan 20, 2006 9:01 am

Take a benedryl, thats what I did to get past the sleep part.

Woooo, out cold.

It was weird, was so high off of one benedryl, yet I can eat vicoden like tic-tacs, makes no sense.

williesgirl · Post by **williesgirl** » Thu Jan 26, 2006 3:35 am

Wow, I hope you are well over it now. Really nasty stuff. I got thrown from a horse when i was 16. The drs put me on codiene and it didn't help so they mixed it with morphine and upped doses. I got addicted and after a few mnths it built up in my system and I overdosed. I was living alone on a farm and never was i told about side effects and the dr knew i was young and living alone in a remote area. My father came up, luckily, and my dog jumped out a window and nutted out. My dad found me unconcious and covered in vomit with bite marks on my shoulder, half off the bed. We think i must have been choking and she dragged me over so i wasn't. I got taken to hospital and had a back op while under going withdrawls. The nurses wouldn't attend me and called me a nasty little junkie. There is a stigma attached even in the medical proffesion that causes these probs :evil:

Go figure.
Hope its all uphill from here. Thank god for pets they will get you through.
:lol:

Mikaela · Post by **Mikaela** » Thu Jan 26, 2006 5:08 am

Same here williegirl, we assume our Drs are going to fill us in.

I am over it now and it was hell. I would have never told it here but I hope to save someone or AT LEAST get one of us on the right path.

Pain or no pain, it comes down to this: You either stop taking pills (any pill, even advil) daily or you die much earlier. A liver can only take so much.

In fact, it isnt even the active drug that kills you, its the filler... be it ace. or ibu. It eats your stomach up and kills your liver.

I assure you, Im not the only one here that uses/used RX drugs daily. I hope they flush them and live in pain as I do. Much happier now.

Mahuska · Post by **Mahuska** » Fri Jan 27, 2006 6:31 pm

This one caught my eye. Chemical dependancy is alot to deal with and many do not understand how widespead it is.
Mikaela be glad you weren't on Oxycotin. Many became highly addicted to that medication. I myself had a back surgery
and as a result still deal with pain. I was on hydro's for about 6 mos but didn't seem to have a rough go getting off. I was lucky I suppose
I don't like the feeling on hydro's, but I think I would have a problem with the other things I got while in the hospital, Demerol and
Dalada(mispelled). You are right about liver damage even with the anti-infam's. What does someone do? It is a hard call. Keeping yourself fit and in shape
doing specific exercises to help the problem area. Other non traditional approaches as well. I would suggest an honest relationship with the Dr. though(as far as the cold turkey bit). If there is a reluctance on your behalf to trust the Dr. find another one you do. I also find one must become proactive in their health care, take care
and say what you want. Do the research before taken a new medication. Angie mentioned Xanax, and I had a Dr, some years back prescribe that and said it wasn't habit forming. Boy did he get that one wrong. I learned a valuable lesson about the blind trust given to Doctors. Also Angie SSRI's or commonly known as anti-depressant
while can have an impact on how you feel, they are not considered addicting, although you can go through seratonin withdrawl if stopped abruptly. I saw an episode of
HBO's Six Feet Under where the Mom helped here sister along with a character played by Cathy Bates get off Hydrocodone. Alot of what Mikaela described. The sister
went through hell, but they kinda made fun of her though. Addiction is addiction though, and to me I have empathy for anyone that goes through it. Whether that be legal or
street drugs or alcohol. No one is exempt, as far as gender, race, age, or social status. Some do awfull things to themselves and their loved ones, and it is a real bummer
when you put your faith in professionals hands and they lead you down a dangereous path. Mikeala, I hope you don't take that addiction site as the norm for others. They are
just people and perhaps in this case, a bunch of inconsiderates, there as got to be others out there not so closed minded. What an irony. They would like acceptance but don't give it? Hang in there, you are doing the right thing but talking and sharing. Hard to do this on your own, and that goes for any others in the same boat.